I was five. Sport shorts, t-shirt with Mickey Mouse, short haircut, bruised knees - an appearance of a regular boy. Except I am a girl, and a smile once changed my entire life.
The cons of boyhood seemed obvious to me at that age. First, boys can play catch, meaning they can jump over things, wave sticks around and yell with a stupid voice "AAAA!” When I tried to mimic such behavior, I always heard "Stop it, you're a girl!” Second, boys can always fight, if there is a disagreement. However, once I started hitting that nasty Zack from across the block, I heard the same familiar phrase of sexual differences. At that time, I had no idea what discrimination was, but I could sense the injustice. "Don't run without your shoes on!", "Don't laugh too loud", "Don't wipe your hands into your dress", which was, must I say, a punishment. I loved vigorous games and I actively rebelled against any attempts of my parents of turning me into a doll.
Then, finally, I made a decision of becoming a boy. I got a very short haircut, and I was allowed to wear my comfortable shorts. I loved my new life. Boys accepted me as one of their kind and sometimes even shared secrets with me.
"What about Ashley?" - My best friend Cody would ask. Honestly, I liked him; therefore, after mentally apologizing to a nice girl, I answered, “She is very dull”.
Somehow, Cody still liked her. I honestly did not understand, why he needed Ashley, when beside him was smart, reliable, strong, fast, fearless me. Yet somehow, everything changed very quickly.
It was a hot summer. The pavement did not allow me to walk shoeless anymore. Sparrows were bathing in the sand, promising rain, which was not coming. For the summer, I was shipped off to live with grandma on the countryside. There I used to spend my time. That was the exact place where I saw her. First, I decided that she was a princess from a fairytale. She was walking on the road and for no apparent reason she smiled at me. Her beautiful milky dress seemed to be so delicate, fairies made it. The bottom was being caught by a small wind, making waves. All her movements seemed to be weightlessly easy and cat-like soft. Shiny chocolate hair was lying on her delicate shoulders.
I was staring at this miracle thinking how much I wanted to be as pretty, as unusual... That girl in a second turned around my whole belief about women. Apparently, it is a blessing - to be one of them. If not, why would she be smiling like that?
Suddenly, the Princess started waving her hand and laughing joyfully, and I noticed a boy, who was running towards her with flowers.
"I'm so happy you came!" - He said and picked her up.
They were spinning and the sunrays were lost in their silhouettes. It was so beautiful I started crying. I have never seen anything like that ever since. I can still see that picture in my eyes, I can still see that smile.
I came home as a new person. The first thing I told my mother was that I wanted to be a girl again and demanded that she bought me a milky dress. While I was walking in it, I felt like a princess. My movements were weightlessly easy and cat-like soft. Cody greeted me with a surprised look and said, "Wow, you're really pretty."
“Why of course, I'm a girl after all.” I said and smiled.